Sunday, October 28, 2012

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Something which i hate

A few of these 'fitspo' tumblrs and they're quotes... i.e like this one

I get angry just reading this... Basically, the quote is  Bullshit. No you dont always continue. Its ok to rest. You dont have to workout all the time. Exercise 24/7... Infact.. working out 24/7 isnt helping anything!!! Because you over exercise.. Rest is a very important factor. If you dont rest, your body doesnt recover... and it cant improve... you are just wearing out your muscles... destroying them infact.
   You dont always keep going. I remember reading this while i was sick, and i remember i had felt tired that day, i hadnt eaten anything....  so i hadnt run that day... i had decided to just 'not eat' anything instead of exercising. Then i saw that picture/quote... and i got such anxiety.. because i was like... i should have run, i felt so panicky.
   I was an over exerciser while i was sick with anorexia. Exercise was a compulsion, an addiction... and it went overboard .It controlled my life...
  i was out walking 2-3 hours a day, every day. No matter what the weather. I didnt let myself rest at all... from 6am till 11pm, i was on my feet... literally. I didnt allow myself to sit down, that was how bad my overactivity was.
   I pushed myself... i didnt care so much about improving... i didnt want to gain muscle... i wanted to lose wieght. I needed to exercise, there is no other way to describe it... it felt like soemthign bad would happen if i didnt exercise....
   Getting over my exercise problem was hard... very. Aswell as starting to eat again, and not allowed to exercise was hard.... dealing with 2 problems at once... and even more really. As i had to stop self harming while in recovery....
 But i did... i did overcome my exercie addiction. Of course.. you may be sitting at home thinking, this girl is full of bullshit. Here she is, saying that she loves exercise... and goes to the gym... but shes gotten over her exercise problem... i dont believe it??
Well if you are thinking that, you can think whatever you want.

Yes, i do love exercise... that doesnt mean that im continuously exercising. Exercise doesnt control my life... i have a balance. If im tired or stressed or just dont feel like it... i dont go out running. I mean somedays i might plan, oh ill go to the gym after school. But hten i feel really tired or have loads of work, then i dont have a problem to just go home and skip the gym.
  Yes, i do want to improve... see results, i.e be able to run faster, life heaveier weights... but im not going to kill myself with workouts to do that... and i definitely dont work out to burn calories... i run/workout because i enjoy it... because i get a good feeling in my body . Because i feel happy.
But what im getting at is that... You have to rest. You cant keep going.
   while i was sick i started running 6 times a week, and i ended hurting my knee and hip... but i though, ahh... i cant just rest. Ill keep running anyway... and i could so easily have damaged my knee while doing that, but then i was admitted to hospital and wasnt allowed to run.
  I can still notice it sometimes now, that if i run a little to often ill get a searing pain in  my knee, and i cant run for a week or more... i am very careful with that. I definitely dont run if my knee or hip hurts, as i have 2 friends who have damaged their knees from running too much, and can barely run now a days...
I have the balance, i have the knowledge to knwo that... its ok to rest. I dont always have to keep going.
  I mean it happens when i decided to go out running, and i jsut feel so tired, that somedays i turn back and go home, or i just go walking instead... that i know its ok to be tired and not have the energy.
That is something which everyone has to learn... i think looking at Fitspo or Thinspo... doesnt help anyone at all. It just triggers... you see pictures and think, i dont look like that. And you feel bad about yourself... the thing is... no you dont look like the girl on the pictures, because you're you. You dont have to look like just have to be happy....
  And really, who wants to starve themself... not eat just to be thin? Who wants to spend several hours a day working out at the gym to look like a fucking fitness model?
  No... you want to live your life with balance...

^^Hahah.. this pisses me off soooo much!!! XD Its like... i dont mention im going to the gym or going running every time i do... not even on my blogs!!! XD
  Im not asking for attention, i do it for me... because i enjoy it. Not to get a clap on the back from people telling me 'im sooo good'... its just like, attnetion whore!! hah
  I mean its ok now and again... but every single time..? Yah we get it... just shut up and go to the gym!!
-Sorry... rant -_-

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Make a goal, and work for it.

For me... i love the gym. I love working out. I love running. I am an exercise junkie!! <3

But of course... sometimes i can wonder... why am i at the gym? I mean i spend a few days a week there.. or depening on how i feel and what not. How busy i am, and whether i feel like going to the gym or not...  but say, i spend 3-5 days a week, roughly... and i have different routines... different training each time. I dont just do the same thing... but at the same time im like... what am i doing at the gym? Im not here to lose weight... so what am i doing? I mean, i want to tone up... but at the same time... i dont even know what. I just love the feeling of running... thats mainly what i do, and then a few crunches etc etc (more of course... jsut cant be bóthered to go into detail.)
   But im deciding now, to set small, realistic goals!! ( its kind of exciting really!!!) I mean, since ive started at the gym, i know my body has changed... ive gotten more muscles.. which i love!! I love my arms and legs now!!! My arms arent all stick thin, like theyve been all my life.. but they actually have muscles.. and im always flaunting them whenever i get a chance!! (haha.. jsut ask my family or friends :) )
   But now im going to set small goals like... i want to tone up my ass... and im going to work on that now... thats my main goal. And of course do what i find fun. Of course... ass work outs arent that fun... haha... i just want to keep putting them off!!! :)
But setting small realistic goals is what you need to do. Because, you cant think that in two weeks you're suddenly going to have abs and like a fitness model.... it takes time. And instead of aiming for a complelte change... take seperate areas at a time... maybe focus on arms and stomach for a few weeks, but of course working the whole body, as that is necessary.. and varying on days.. as if you workout your arms too often, with too much weight you'll end up over working your arms and instead of building muscle you'll end up decreasing muscle... as is with any muscle group in your body...
  which i know. For a while i started running to often, and i noticed that my leg msucles werent as strong as usual... i could barely run a half hour... so then i had to stop running so much, and rest my legs... and now ive gotten the strength back into my legs.. and doing a good balance of resting and working out!! :)


If you dont have goals.. it can be very easy to lose motivation... to not know what you are doing and why... but if you know what you are aiming for.. what your goal is. Then work for that.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Day 08 - your favorite books

I read alot of books.... A bit of everything. Every genre!!

Ive read so much that i dont even have any specifica favourites anymore... but i do have a few favourite authors :)

Jodi Picoult
Stephanie Meyer
Sarah Dessan
J.K Rowling
Cassandra Clare
Richelle Mead

Love all their books :)

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Day 07 - Your favorite food

Hmmm... i love food!! :) And i have alot of favourites!!
  Ill write my top 5 favourite foods instead :)

  • Sushi (Especially the avocado or tofu!)
  • Chicken and Avocado salad
  • Chocolate
  • Waffles
  • Nuts - Almonds, cashews and peanuts :)

I have loads more favourites... but they're my top 5... :)

Monday, October 8, 2012

Day 06 - Your favorite series

I watch too many series... -_-'

But my top 3? Yes...

(No order.. cus they're all so fucking good!!)

  • Vampire Diaries
  • Pretty little liars
  • Awkward
Who watches any of these? :) They are all amazing, so i reccommend all of them :)
BTW: if you want to laugh and want something easy to watch... and addictive... watch Awkward.. i mean it!! I absaloutly love that show... its funny, and easy to watch :)

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Day 05 - A picture of somewhere you've been

As i am currently in Disneyland Paris... i am going to post a picture of Disneyland!!! :)

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Day 04 - tell me about your closest friend

I have two best friends... or the two people who are closest to me...
   The two in my previous post.

My very first Best friend - S

I met her when i was 5 years old, and we've been best friends since... c.a 12 years!!
  We are very alike, but at the same time... different? We love reading, we're both kinda nerdy, and both weird as hell :)
  When we met... things just clicked... We were inseperable!! We could spend hours talking and talking and talking. Never got bored of each other.
  Sure, we had our silly little arguments... but they never lasted long. We were such good friends.
   She is amazing, and one of the most amazing friends ever. And i am so glad that she is my best friend.
  Of course, as i am living in Sweden, and she in Ireland we dont see each other so often... which really does suck. We keep in contact over FB and skype.... and so far, our relationship hasnt faded, which i am so thankful over. I never want to lose her as a friend...


Here in Sweden, i have one amazing friend!!! We meet at Mando clinic, which is a treatment centre for eating disorders, where we were both inpatients at the time...
  I wasnt someone who talked there. I sat silent, in my own little depressed world. But she was so talkative.. she livened up the place. I had been going to Mando for more then a year, pendling between inpatient and day patient... and she was the first patient, whom i really talked to.
  We were both so restless, were always up and jumping about. And wanted something to do.
  I remember she was going to start sowing a bag, and i suddenly got interested... i also wanted to sow a bag... and that was how our friendship began!! hah
   We were in different stages of recovery, so for a while we lost contact as i was a day patient and starting school again, and she was only just begining day patients.
  But then by chance we meet again at a casting to be a hair model.... and then we swapped numbers and kept in contact!!
   And im so glad that we did!! We've only really been hanging out for c.a 8/9 months... not even a whole year... but it feels like ive known her forever.
  Sometimes it feels like she knows me better then i know myself.
  We've been through the same thing... it feels good sometimes to talk about certain things, which other people dont understand, but i know she does....
  And i guess its the same for her... im not so sure?
But our friendship isnt just based on anorexia and our EDS... of course, we talk about thing related to it... but we have so many different conversations as well.
  And we always help each other.. we both ave our bad days, where we feel fat, and would like to just starve... but we pepp each other, tell each other that its not worth it... that we're never gping to return to the hell of anorexia.
   She is one of the most amazing people i know. And i am actually so glad that ive met her.
  The time just flies by when im with her... and i always have a good time. Even if its just sitting drinking coffee, and we both feel tired and in a bad mood. Just knowing that i dont have to smile all the time, that i dont have to pretend im happy... that i can be myself... feel how i feel... is great.
I could continue saying all these great things about my two best friends... but then this post would never end.
I have the most amazing friends!! And they make my day and my life worth living!!!

About me!

I thought i would introduce myself... as some people might be new here... others might know me from my previous blog.

I am half Irish, half Swedish, and moved to Sweden 2 years ago.
I love running, listening to music, writing and spending time with friends.
I am currently going to an international school, and have 3 more years left (got held back for different reasons)

I live with my mum and her partner, who is really nice.
I have an older sister, a step sister and a half brother.
1) Me and my older sister
2) Me and my mum 
3) Me , my mum and my sister         

I love spending time on my own, but i also love being with friends. I am someone who either talks loads... or doesnt talk at all.

I am good at maths, but suck at french.

I have 3 dogs in total, but only one is living with me.

I am a bit OCD with cleaning and a perfectionist.
I am addicted to cola zero. And a choc-o-holic.

I love baking and i love eating food!

Dancing, laughing and taking photos!

Now you know a little bit more about me...

 but if you have any questions... ask away :) Ill answer!!

Friday, October 5, 2012

Guess where i am going? :)

I am off to Disney Land paris!!!: ) Wooo-Hooo!
  Are you jealous? :) haha

I am away from Saturday morning till Monday evening... but dont worry. there are scheduled posts, and if there is internet... expect a quick, not so easy to read post about my day!!! :)
I hope you all have a great weekend :)

Gym time!!

It feels like forever since ive been to the gym.... It was Monday i last went.... Gosh. hahaha!!! XD

I just havent had time recently... and really, i barely have time today... but i want to go to the gym before im off for the weekend!
  So im squeezing in a few hours after school now :)
Not so sure what im planning to do.... haha!!

I think im gonna do some HIIT training and some abs :) Ive been spending some time trying to come up with some good workout routines... so that i dont do the same each time i go.. because in the end that wont really have any effect!
   Its actually fun, to sit and write down my workouts... roughly what im gonna do :)

So for now... its time to work up a sweat!!! :)

^^Not to forget the important protein drink!! Have to recharge after a workout... :)
My favourite is Cappucnnio flavour or Vanilla.
Really, im not so sure which is better protein powder or protein drinks?
Really, food protein is best.. i.e chicken, egg, nuts and even eating a banana is good.
I used to make protein salads to take with me...
But when i head straight to the gym after school i have to use protein shakes/powder.

Day 03 - A picture of you and a friend

My two best friends!!
I love them (In a non-sexual friendly way :) )
And they both make my life and day so much better :)

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Cinnamon-bun day!!

Yes, there is a day for cinnamonbuns!!! Its all just marketing and all that... but sure, why not enjoy it? And eat a cinnamon bun?
  You have to treat yourself sometimes :)

Day 02 - something that makes you cry

Chopping onions.... :)

Hahah... but seriously? Eerrrmmm...
   When i get bad grades.. or get critisized... I cant deal with it.
Most people shrug it off, think ok... i didnt get an A on my test... sure next time.
  Or... oh ok. She doesnt like my shoes, well fuck her?

Me... im a bit like this.....: I didnt get an A?? Why... what did i do wrong?But i studied.... *goes into panic mode* *tries to keep the tears away*
  5 year old behaviour... ? Yes.. i know. But i am just so sensitive to that stuff.

Like if someone tells me that i dont look good in a top... im gonna go home, burn the top. And that one comment will be forever etched into my memory... it always pop up when i see your face!! haha

I know the quote... isnt the truth better? Or however it goes... but for me... Trust me... keep the truth to yourself.. i dont want to hear it.
  I want to hear pretty lies, to keep my happy... i dont deal well with bad news or critisizm in any form or kind... :)

Now we've got that sorted right? :)

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Day 01 - a picture taken recently of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

  1. Cows scare me
  2. I can put my right foot behind my head
  3. I used to suck my thumb until i was 10 years old (SHOCKER!!)
  4. Ive had pink hair, purple hair and orange hair... and blonde (my natural)
  5. I was 13 when i had my first kiss
  6. I prefer wearing leggings/tights and a skirt then jeans
  7. I am 175cm long
  8. I watch WAY too many series
  9. I love running
  10. I look weak and innocent, but i can punch/kick like a proffessional boxer... NOTE... dont try to attack!! I can defend myself :) haha
  11. I always make a wish at 11.11 and 22.22
  12. I am addicted to coke Zero
  13. I am a bit OCD, and a clean-a-holic (but not as bad as i was before)
  14. I LOVE chocolate... and wish there was some no calorie, no fat version of chocolate... but i guess it wouldnt taste as nice then?
  15. I want to travel to New York!!!
Now you know a little bit more about me? :)

My new running jumper :)

Its not actually made for running.... but for now, it works outside :) (dont use a jumper in the gym)

When im out running, i always get a few turned heads....
  its either that i look damn sexy when i run... (which i highly doubt... ) or that they want to read what it says on my jumper....
   im going for the latter :) haha

30 day blog challenge

Day 01 - a picture taken recently of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02 - something that makes you cry
Day 03 - A picture of you and a friend
Day 04 - tell me about your closest friend
Day 05 - A picture of somewhere you've been
Day 06 - Your favorite series
Day 07 - Your favorite food
Day 08 - your favorite books
Day 09 - something you're proud of the past few days
Day 10 - songs you listen to when you are happy, sad or bored
Day 11 - A picture of you and your friends
Day 12 - the year's best day so far
Day 13 - A picture of your room
Day 14 - something you need
Day 15 - write 10 songs being played on your Spotify
Day 16 - another picture of yourself
Day 17 - someone you would like to switch lives with for a day and why
Day 18 - plans, dreams and goals you have
Day 19 - your fears
Day 20 - how would your life be in the future
Day 21 - a picture of something that makes you happy
Day 22 - What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23 - something you long after
Day 24 - a letter to your parents
Day 25 - a film that is worth seeing
Day 26 - one moment you remember
Day 27 - what I wore today
Day 28 - A picture of you last year and now, have you changed?
Day 29 - Your favorite song
Day 30 - Last Month

Me again!!

Hellooooo... Its me again... Gosh, its so empty, i can practically hear the echo :) hahha

Basically, i havent been feeling so mentally well the last while, and i have barely been able to keep up blogging with my other blog... none the less two blogs.
  But ive decided that i want to start blogging on here a bit more... slowly move away from my other blog.  But that will gradually happen... my other blog, ive had for c.a 3 years.. i dont just want to let it go... its like a comfort.
I have a lot going on at the moment, do dont expect to hear from me on this blog everyday...
  But now and again anyway... maybe everyday, maybe a few times everyday`? We'll see.
 But i have no obligations to blog... just on my own free will!!

I had planned for this blog to be a  healthy and training blog... which will be part of my blogging, as i am very interested in that. I love training and exercise, and i am very 'into' and know alot about healthy eating and a good diet.
  So if anyone has any questíons about either, or anything with those two, dont be afraid to ask :) Id love to help in any way i can.
  Of course, remember im no proper trainer or a dietician, but i do have a lot of background knowledge and resources!! LOL

I hope you will continue to read this blog, and follow me :)
  Of course i cant make you do that... ( Hmm... let me just get the shot gun and we'll see about that?! ) XD