Sunday, October 14, 2012

Something which i hate

A few of these 'fitspo' tumblrs and they're quotes... i.e like this one

I get angry just reading this... Basically, the quote is  Bullshit. No you dont always continue. Its ok to rest. You dont have to workout all the time. Exercise 24/7... Infact.. working out 24/7 isnt helping anything!!! Because you over exercise.. Rest is a very important factor. If you dont rest, your body doesnt recover... and it cant improve... you are just wearing out your muscles... destroying them infact.
   You dont always keep going. I remember reading this while i was sick, and i remember i had felt tired that day, i hadnt eaten anything....  so i hadnt run that day... i had decided to just 'not eat' anything instead of exercising. Then i saw that picture/quote... and i got such anxiety.. because i was like... i should have run, i felt so panicky.
   I was an over exerciser while i was sick with anorexia. Exercise was a compulsion, an addiction... and it went overboard .It controlled my life...
  i was out walking 2-3 hours a day, every day. No matter what the weather. I didnt let myself rest at all... from 6am till 11pm, i was on my feet... literally. I didnt allow myself to sit down, that was how bad my overactivity was.
   I pushed myself... i didnt care so much about improving... i didnt want to gain muscle... i wanted to lose wieght. I needed to exercise, there is no other way to describe it... it felt like soemthign bad would happen if i didnt exercise....
   Getting over my exercise problem was hard... very. Aswell as starting to eat again, and not allowed to exercise was hard.... dealing with 2 problems at once... and even more really. As i had to stop self harming while in recovery....
 But i did... i did overcome my exercie addiction. Of course.. you may be sitting at home thinking, this girl is full of bullshit. Here she is, saying that she loves exercise... and goes to the gym... but shes gotten over her exercise problem... i dont believe it??
Well if you are thinking that, you can think whatever you want.

Yes, i do love exercise... that doesnt mean that im continuously exercising. Exercise doesnt control my life... i have a balance. If im tired or stressed or just dont feel like it... i dont go out running. I mean somedays i might plan, oh ill go to the gym after school. But hten i feel really tired or have loads of work, then i dont have a problem to just go home and skip the gym.
  Yes, i do want to improve... see results, i.e be able to run faster, life heaveier weights... but im not going to kill myself with workouts to do that... and i definitely dont work out to burn calories... i run/workout because i enjoy it... because i get a good feeling in my body . Because i feel happy.
But what im getting at is that... You have to rest. You cant keep going.
   while i was sick i started running 6 times a week, and i ended hurting my knee and hip... but i though, ahh... i cant just rest. Ill keep running anyway... and i could so easily have damaged my knee while doing that, but then i was admitted to hospital and wasnt allowed to run.
  I can still notice it sometimes now, that if i run a little to often ill get a searing pain in  my knee, and i cant run for a week or more... i am very careful with that. I definitely dont run if my knee or hip hurts, as i have 2 friends who have damaged their knees from running too much, and can barely run now a days...
I have the balance, i have the knowledge to knwo that... its ok to rest. I dont always have to keep going.
  I mean it happens when i decided to go out running, and i jsut feel so tired, that somedays i turn back and go home, or i just go walking instead... that i know its ok to be tired and not have the energy.
That is something which everyone has to learn... i think looking at Fitspo or Thinspo... doesnt help anyone at all. It just triggers... you see pictures and think, i dont look like that. And you feel bad about yourself... the thing is... no you dont look like the girl on the pictures, because you're you. You dont have to look like just have to be happy....
  And really, who wants to starve themself... not eat just to be thin? Who wants to spend several hours a day working out at the gym to look like a fucking fitness model?
  No... you want to live your life with balance...

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